The Person Who Knows You The Least, Knows You The Best

If you want the point of my title, read the second smaller paragraph.  The first one just explains the second one.

Last week I had gotten into a fight with my sister because she had disrespected me, my mother, and my things.  She now thinks it's okay to do that now.  She is half my size, four years younger, and her bark is worse then her bite.  Today, I had gotten into a fight with my mother.  It was about money.  Ever since my Mother has separated from my Father, and gotten together with her new boyfriend, everything has been about money.  Money.  Money.  Money.  I am stressed by her and she doesn't see it.  I got a job at a young age to help her pay her bills for  my siblings and still get no appreciation.  Most kids my age are still in High School, but I got robbed one year of my childhood and had to start early. I get told I don't try enough, I should have gone to school sooner, to clean up after my siblings and honestly I thought that when I moved out, I would be appreciated more because I try so much harder, and I would be in school, and that I would only have to clean up after myself and mom.  There is no structure here and it sucks because when I lived with my Father it would be a structured home, but after the divorce everything is all chaotic.  My brothers (who are young) are always breaking things.  My dad is even more strict with his money than he was before.  My sister (who has not been told it is wrong) has put her hands on me twice and lied to my father.  The first time was when I wanted her to apologize for throwing my things (we fought and she started it) and the second time she just whams on me with her fists and my mom doesn't even say a word to her.  She lied to my dad and said I make her uncomfortable living here...  I didn't do anything to her and it hurts to hear her say that.  Lastly, my mom (just doesn't get how much she hurts me)  She says I am 18 years old and have to do this and that with my money, but when it comes to what I do, say, and think I am no longer 18 years old.  I give all of my paycheck to her to pay for things I don't use up all the time.  I pay gas, a $300 bill for 6 to 7 (because my siblings come over every other day.)  I pay for gas in the tank, I pay the water bill, I pay electricity from time to time... I pay a cell phone bill for a sister I am scared to go around anymore.  And she still can't make ends meet and when she is stressed about money she talks about how I have a shitty part time job and I need a full time job since I decided not to go into school... but I didn't go to school because I wanted to help my mom money wise and I was two weeks late for school because my parents never gave me the information or support I needed to go and I didn't want to fail. (All 6 classes wanted two weeks worth of work in class by the next day, plus I didn't have my books ready because my dad was supposed to give me the money and waited to long)
Anyways, I was on the phone with my Grandfather a while ago and I told him I wanted to join the military.  He grunted and said that doesn't sound like you...  I then realized that, that was not me.  I HATE THE MILITARY.  I GREW UP IN A MILITARISTIC HOUSEHOLD AND HATED IT.  When I look back at all the family pictures I am not happy...  I am a black sheep.  My chromosome donor is not in my life and I was raised by my step dad.  A man who I called dad but he does not act like it.  He gives me advice but was never the one to spend money on me.  He prefers to spend money on his own blood.  I see the Christmas pictures and my dad is smiling.  my sister is smiling.  I am not smiling. I don't feel like I have ever been treated as someone who was wanted.  Except for when I am with my Grandfather.  He is the person who knows me the least, but knows me the best, if that makes sense.  I always need someone to count on and he is the one I can talk to.  He knows when I need to be left alone, what I like to eat, my attitude.  These may seem like little things to you, but to me they are the world.  Being in the military wasn't, isn't, and doesn't sound like me.  I like art... but being younger my parents would talk down on me saying I wouldn't make a lot of money.  They never really supported me on anything.  They never showed up to my soccer or track meets, never hung up an art piece on the fridge, they would do it for my siblings though.  You know my Grandfather never did those things like go to a track meet, but I could tell him about it now and it would bring the biggest smile to his face.  My parents will just look unentertained and nod.  My Grandfather is the person who knows me the least, but knows me the best because he will support me in any decision I make and any story I tell him will bring a smile to his face and that's all someone really needs.  A person to support you and a person to listen. It just sucks that it took me until now to realize that. BUT YOU SHOULD GO FIND THIS PERSON.  IT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL ALOT BETTER.



                                                                        

Good To See You

What do you do when you have no outlet to say or do anything?  You can't talk to your parents.  You can't talk to your younger siblings.  You have no real outer family to talk to.  You can't talk to a shrink.  You no longer have high school teachers to vent out to.  Your friends are gone.  You realize you have no outlet.  Then you remember that you have a blogger account from sophomore year. You read your old posts that are about 2 to 3 years old.  You see how much you have changed and how much you are still the same.  How much your life has changed and how  much it is different.  What do you do when you have no outlet to say or do anything?  YOU BLOG.  I have decided to keep the old blogs on this because it is and always will be apart of me and It will hold all of the memories of what was. But just because this has old blogs, doesn't mean I will post things up that are school appropriate for a grade.  I will type down what comes to mind, when it comes to mind.  Like a diary. I am not afraid to share because I have nothing to hide.  This is my first blog as a 18 year old. As a High School graduate.  As a new me.


"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed,
  revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone."   - AUDREY HEPBURN
                          

Audrey Hepburn

My SOPHMORE YEAR ♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

My sophmore year was full of dissapointments as well as a lot of excitement.  When I first started this year, I thought it would be easier... Well I was wrong... I feel that what I expected from my sophmore year was not what I got as an expirence. 
Though my friends had stayed the same, and I have also made new ones, This year was very dramatic.  I also realize that freshman are horrible!!!!!!!!!! and I feel that with my junior coming, the freshmen next year will be even worse. My hobbies have stayed the same.  I like to draw, and read, and play sports.  I feel that I am also growing tired of my AP classes, but I have two more years and then college.  I am amazed at how fast time flys, and how much and how little things could change.  For example; My relationships with everyone have stayed the same.  But I have also created new relationships with new people.  My sophmore year, though a big dissapointment from my freshman year, was kind of fun.  I realize that as we grow up, we are not to be the babies anymore.  When we became sophmores we were now the older brothers and sisters, kind of the middle children so to speak.  As we grow older and assume our roles as Seniors, we will finally be the oldest.  We will also have the most influence.

Each year about highschool is about growing up...  As much as we highschool students do not want to grow up, we will have to. I think that every year is a different expirence, and I won't underestermate next year!

Donuts

I went with Kenny Doan to the donut shop, down the street from our school, and had alot of fun.  While I was eating my donut,  I realize that the donut may be the best creation of sweet things ever.  I Love donuts.  they are sooo Delicious.  They have so many different types. All have their own unique flavor.  Yummy.  I enjoy them.  I also love to make them with different ingredients.  Basically, you can make a donut out of anything. Whether it is out of bananas or cake mix, as long as it is good.  My favorite has cream or even chocolate.  I could eat a lot of them.  Or probably win a donut eating contest.  When people get creative, that's when the donuts really look yummy.  Coffee and hot chocolate, and chocolate milk really bring out the flavor in donuts.  They can also be stereotypical.  I mean cops are known for always snaking on a donut.  Homer from the Simpsons always is eating donuts.  It should be Americas favorite dessert.

Cartooning?♪

As part of our six week grade (Besides the ton of research paper/ and blogging) we have to create a cartoon about a book we have read in our spare time.... I personally have read a ton of books... But none have been good enough to create cartoons.  It is a little nerve raking but I will find a book soon.  But anyways this cartooning website is suuuuper annoying because, if your story has more than one character, the website only provides one free one... the rest YOU have to pay for.  Like I said annoying, but I will find someway to make it better.  Maybe by using google.  Ohwell.  I can't wait to see other students work on their books.  Maybe their summaries will be cool.  Maybe some will be lame. I do not like the website we are supposed to use, so I might find a different one.

Blog #5 NINJAS♪

You have your spies, that use weapons.  They are either good or evil.  They either work for the man or for himself.  Either way, if you are going to be a spy.... Be a NINJA! THEY ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

COOOOOOOL!  They use their bodies and minds.  If they want to kick your but they can.  They are ones with nature itself.  They use all types of awesome weapons such as shuriken and smoke bombs.  They can do cool tricks and dress in black to blend in the night.  Ninjas can be viewed in sooo many different ways.  They can be small and sweet.  Ugly and evil, oooor strong and evil/ good.  I would love to be  a ninja.  It sounds like alot of fun and exercise.  I guess I am just rambling.  I think we should have more point of veiw blogs.  On like how ninjas are cool or what we are think about.  Ninjas are also in tons of movies.  They also kick alot of butt.  I love ninjas.  That is why my slam poem was about them.  It described them and what you have to do to be a ninja.

Blog#4, Breaking Hearts and not knowing about what you did?

Sooo I am sitting in the woodshop room, because I need to do my blog ahead of time, if not I will get behind in work and I do not need a bad grade.  Buuut anyways, what do you do when you break someones heart? or what if you don't even know how or what you did to break their heart? Well, as I am sitting here a boy (NOT NAMING NAMES) says i broke his heart!  I didn't even know we had a relationship or that I knew him well enough to break his heart.  Honestly it's a little creepy but ohwell.  It bothered me though because I am not a mean person.  But this is my blog... I will probably do a blog #4 part two, just incase this doesn't count as a liable blog for

English.